It’s that time of the year again when bastards compile into one show to inspire stupidity across the blogosphere.

Rakuen: Are Chaneru~!

Shin: YOOOSHAAA!!!

Rakuen: Hai! Hai! You’re now tuning in to the LIVE replay of this edition of Next Episode!

Shin: YOOOSHAAA!!!

Rakuen: Yeah, so before Shin starts hurling things around, let’s start. I’m your Navigator, Rakuen (the only living real-life person who turns into a ravaging tentacle monster when he becomes aggro) desu yo! Here’s my Assistant-person, Shin.

Shin: YOOOSHAAA!!! I’m your Co-navigator, Shin-dono desu…

Rakuen: Alrigh–

Shin: moe moe…

Rakuen: Yeah, alrigh–

Shin: -KYUN!!!

Rakuen: <stfu>

Rakuen: And here’s our boss who won’t even bother coming in the studio… to show her prowess over her minions. Live from her house somewhere in the world, Nagato-sama desu!

Nagato: Domo~

<fan girls scream>

Nagato: Who are you people?!

Rakuen: Yeah, let’s not f*ck around anymore. Here’s our <insert adjective here> guest.

Shin: The first t-rex you would find with a savvy hat.

Rakuen: Baka-Raptor desu!

Baka-Raptor: RRRAAAAAAWWWWRRRR!!!!!!!

<fake audience clapping: on>

<Kamen no Maid Guy theme plays>

Baka-Raptor: Hey, why didn’t you say so?

<fake audience clapping: off>

Rakuen: Now here’s Shin to give us the briefing of how this thing goes.

Shin: Next Episode consists of a series of questions divided into 3 difficulties based from whoever made them: EASY, MEDIUM, and DIFFICULT. And then there’s the RETARDED round.

Rakuen: Alright! Let’s get this sh*t started! Nagato-sama, the signal!

Nagato: Ruu~ <fires rocket launcher, rocket hits a military missile causing a bright light the shape of a mushroom, or was it explosion?>

Shin: Alright, there’s the signal.

Rakuen: Alright. EASY Round. Did Baka-Raptor come from the jurassic age just to break havoc on this time?

Baka-Raptor: No, I came from the cretaceous, not the jurassic, and, I came to wreak havoc, not to break it. But otherwise, yes, that’s the basic plotline.

Rakuen: That’s the end of the Easy Round!

Baka-Raptor: Wait, what?

Rakuen: That’s the only easy round question we have.

Shin: Onto the MEDIUM Round then. I’m gonna take a jizz first. <leaves>

Rakuen: Let’s jump right on it! Oh wait, commercials! Stay tuned for more Baka-Raptor.

Nagato: Domo~

It’s not like I wanted to raep you or anything… Baka.

Rakuen: Welcome back to NEXT EPISODE with me, Rakuen.

Shin: Shin.

Nagato: Nagato the Great.

Rakuen: Now, onto the MEDIUM Round, Baka-Raptor. Why “Baka-Raptor”, and not “Baka-Pterodactyl” or “Baka-Triceratops”?

Baka-Raptor: Because I can’t fly, nor do I have horns. Also, I was inspired by the Roboraptor.

Rakuen: How does Baka-Raptor come up with brilliant, or if not, decent posts?

Baka-Raptor: By cutting ties with the real world. When you have no life outside of watching anime, the easier it is to come up with brilliant, if not decent, anime-related posts.

Rakuen: How old is Baka-Raptor in human years, and in raptor years?

Baka-Raptor: 23 human, 65,002,009 dinosaur

Rakuen: Why did you become an anime-blogger of all things?

Baka-Raptor: Originally, my website was about half anime and half other stuff. Then I sold out to a pure anime blog to get listed on Anime Nano.

Rakuen: Why san seriff font?

Baka-Raptor: It’s easier to read. And Maddox does it.

Rakuen: Does being a raptor get you all the ladies?

Baka-Raptor: Yes, but getting the ladies isn’t a problem. The real problem is finding ones I want. I’ve reached a point in my life where I no longer have the patience to deal with girls who don’t watch anime. That significantly narrows my target pool in terms of quantity, looks, and age.

Rakuen: Apparently, moe doesn’t affect you. Then what does, choosing a fetish?

Baka-Raptor: Like all creatures, I have some strengths and some weaknesses. Though I’m immune to moe, I’m weak against sleep, blind, and I suffer 2x lightning damage. As for fetishes, I have a soft spot for yanderes. Bonus points if they’re lesbians. Evil lesbians are the best.

Rakuen: Was Baka-Raptor a human who got bitten by a radioactive raptor?

Baka-Raptor: I’m a raptor thrown into a human body by a cataclysmic meteor strike. See the manga “Boukun Tyrano-san” for details (it was recommended to me by your overlord, Nagato).

Rakuen: Why lesbians?

Baka-Raptor: You can find the answer in bits and pieces around my website. Here are the fundamentals:

- Most male characters are whiny losers. If I’m going to watch a show about a bunch of pussies, they might as well be female.
- A heterosexual couple has only one female. A lesbian couple has two. Do the math. Two for the price of one.
- In a lesbian relationship, at least one female has to take the lead. Women in heterosexual relationships are usually passive and act like they hate sex. Believe it or not, I happen to enjoy seeing women with some semblance of a sex drive.

Rakuen: If Baka-Raptor was originally a dinosaur, how did he survive the dinosaur extinction?

Baka-Raptor: Time travel. Duh.

Rakuen: Now here’s Shin for his MEDIUM Round questions.

Baka-Raptor: Bring it.

Shin: <just got out of restroom> What?

Rakuen: <throw kettle (with hot water in it) at Shin>

Shin: HYAAAAHHH!!!!

Oh, yeah… You seem to have styled your blog after maddox’s The Best Page In The Universe. Considering the vast difference in the topics, what inspiration has he had on you?

Baka-Raptor: Vast differences in topics? Originally, there were no differences in topics. Before selling out, I wrote about random stuff, and Maddox wrote about anime.

Shin: What is the true purpose of you implementing moderation queues on your comments? It is sort of fun when you lift that restriction on special occasions, but is there a real reason to it other than to prevent spam?

Baka-Raptor: My comment moderation queue has several purposes, which I shall list in order of importance:

- Making sure nobody disagrees with me about anything
- Making sure nobody posts bullshit flaming comments
- Making sure there’s nothing on my website that I haven’t read- Slowing down commenter discussion so my site doesn’t turn into an off-topic message board (like it almost did here). - Putting my readers on notice that their comments are subject to censorship (unlike that sleazebag lelangir, who censors comments without warning)
- Letting my readers know that I take the time to read every word they write

Shin: What merchandise can we expect out of a Baka-Raptor fanclub?

Baka-Raptor: Hats. All fanclub members must buy an official Baka-Raptor hat, which includes a hologram sticker to prove its authenticity.
On second thought, you should all own seven, just in case you lose six.

Shin: Now here’s ghostlightning via phone-patch.

Baka-Raptor: Oh.

ghostlightning: Where’s the phone, hon?

sybilant: You’re holding it.

ghostlightning: Oh… Oh, hello.

Baka-Raptor: Yeah.

ghostlightning: Are you really a dinosaur or just some clown in a rubber suit?

Baka-Raptor: Actually, I’m a genetically altered lab mouse using anime blogging to try to take over the world. (If you don’t get that reference, yes, I’m actually a dinosaur.)

ghostlightning: If you and Ultraman got into a fight, who would win?

Baka-Raptor: I have no idea who ultraman is. But I’m pretty sure I’d win.

ghostlightning: What would you rather watch: the most GAR sumbitch beat the crap out of 1,000 mooks, or 1,000 lesbians having it out in a nudist colony?

Baka-Raptor: The lesbians if they’re hot. GAR if they’re not.

ghostlightning: Pick a feat: watching all 110 episodes of LotGH with the monitor upside down, or pasting all the images in danbooru tagged ‘loli’ into a collage while singing ‘motekke sera fuku’ and only that song while working — then live to tell about it?

Baka-Raptor: Easy: LotGH upside down. The series is long enough that at some point my brain should being to reprocess the upside down images to make them appear right-side up (look up George Stratton’s vision experiments). But even if that doesn’t happen, I have no desire to look at lolis. You know, since I’m not a pedophile.

ghostlightning: If you were to make a pizza garnished with the body parts of your enemies, who’d be in it and what parts go where?

Baka-Raptor: Do tears count as body parts? If not, I’ll go with their tear glands. Nothing seasons food better than the tears of your enemies. As for who’d be in it, it would have to be the guy who invented Naruto Filler.

<phone line gets cut>

Rakuen: And that’s it for the MEDIUM Round. We’ll be right back after this short abrupt break!

Nagato: Cut.

Rakuen: Alright, off to our final round. Shin, drum roll please.

<drum roll>

Rakuen: And get Nagato-sama some iced tea.

Shin: But she lives on the other side of the globe.

Nagato: Iced tea.

Shin: Yes, ma’am. <rushes out of the studio>

Baka-Raptor: Hey, why doesn’t Nagato ask me questions.

Nagato: <stare>

Baka-Raptor: Ok, nevermind.

Rakuen: Difficult Round questions! How are you right now?

Baka-Raptor: Straight.

Rakuen: What does the raptor do when not blogging?

Baka-Raptor: Eating.

Rakuen: Does Baka-Raptor have any fetish, except for tambourines?

Baka-Raptor: Trampolines.

Rakuen: Manliest anime series you’ve ever seen.

Baka-Raptor: Fist of the North Star.

Rakuen: Favorite anime series that didn’t involve turning you into a freaky fan?

Baka-Raptor: Ga-Rei Zero. I have so many good things to say about the show (except the 10 things that suck), yet for some reason I never felt attached to it.

Rakuen: Define what makes a character GAR, according to your book.

Baka-Raptor: GAR is the tendency to get shit done, as opposed to moe, which is the tendency to be useless.

Rakuen: Name an anime-series that you see as retarded yet you watched until the end.

Baka-Raptor: I’ll name three: Lucky Star, Yakitate Japan, and Photon: The Idiot Adventures.

Rakuen: Any plans on getting into the anime, manga, or games scene?

Baka-Raptor: Yes. I want to draw a futuristic Gankutsuou-type manga about the Mahabharata. If that doesn’t work out, I’ll draw a crappy slice of life 4-koma featuring four high school girls: one moe girl, one genki girl, one tsundere, and one lesbian. All the jokes will suck, but nobody will care since it’s a slice of life comic about high school girls.

Rakuen: Name anyone in the blogosphere you’d like to bed.

Baka-Raptor: Nagato.

Rakuen: !!!

Nagato: … *blush*

Rakuen: BAKAAAAAA-RAAAPTTOOOORRRRRR!!!!!!!! <explosions>

Baka-Raptor: You misspelled my name there.

[Rakuen goes berserk]

<NICE RAPTOR>

Rakuen: Apparently, my attacks didn’t affect Baka-Raptor since he’s immune to moe. I’m wearing my +10 moe “I am BOSS” shirt, making me moe property.

Baka-Raptor: You shouldn’t have worn that .

Rakuen: Anyhow, more questions. Cite a couple of your best-written post.

Baka-Raptor: So many to choose from. Try these:

My old school classic: Naruto Filler is Bullsh*.

One of my post-sellout classics: EF - A Tale of Lesbians.

One of my recent hits: I Endorse Queen’s Blade.

And the most influential post ever: I Beat up Raki.

Rakuen: Since you won in every known category in the Baka-Raptor Awards, could you share a heart-warming speech with only 3 words?

Baka-Raptor: I Am Boss.

Rakuen: What do you plan on achieving with anime-blogging?

Baka-Raptor: Fame, power, and wealth beyond your wildest dreams.

Rakuen: Why did you turn to 100% anime-blogging?

Baka-Raptor: To get listed on Anime Nano.

Rakuen: What’s good about anime from the mind of Baka-Raptor?

Baka-Raptor: The way it’s less boring than real life.

Rakuen: Name that thing that separates Baka-Raptor from the rest out there.

Baka-Raptor: Tenacity, veracity, integrity, credibility, responsibility, agility, utility, virility, nobility, versatility, capability, flexibility, comprehensibility, accessibility, fertility-oh, sorry, did you just want one?

Rakuen: For the ladies out there: What kind of woman does Baka-Raptor fancy?

Baka-Raptor: I like cool women who can kick ass. Examples: Selvaria, Halibel, Balsa, Rider, Galatea, Athena Glory, Jody “Blue Eyes” Hayward, Sawako-sensei in Krauser mode, and every character on Queen’s Blade.

Rakuen: Have you met Godzilla in person?

Baka-Raptor: No, I met him in monster.

Rakuen: What’s not to like about Baka-Raptor?

Baka-Raptor: I never respond to email.

Rakuen: Something anime-related you haven’t got the chance to buy.

Baka-Raptor: That ShizNat figurine.

Rakuen: Rhetorical question: Yaoi or Yuri?

Baka-Raptor: …

Rakuen: I would assume that you also read and watch the “H”-stuff like the rest of us. Give us some of your favorites.

Baka-Raptor: There’s a lot of good “H”-stuff out there. My favorites are Higurashi, Hikaru no Go, and Hajime no Ippo.

Rakuen: Good call… Most visited blog besides Baka-Raptor.com.

Baka-Raptor: Whatever shows up on Anime Nano.

Rakuen: Name a not-yet-animationalized manga that you’d like to be animationalized.

Baka-Raptor: I can’t decide between My Balls and Onani Master Kurosawa.

Rakuen: You look much like…

Baka-Raptor: Scar.

Rakuen: Name an anime-blogger that you’d like to serve to you as a meido.

Baka-Raptor: Shin.

Rakuen: Any message to Baka-Raptor haters if there are any?

Baka-Raptor: Eli Manning sucks. Deal with it.

Rakuen: Any message to Baka-Raptor fans?

Baka-Raptor: Draw me some fanart or you’re gay.

Rakuen: Any message to yourself?

Baka-Raptor: You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon.

Rakuen: You could be in a commercial of what kind of product?

Baka-Raptor: Tacos.

Rakuen: ShizNat fell into a body of water (I can’t think of an exact one at the moment) and both can’t swimming good enough t save their asses. Who would you save first?

Baka-Raptor: Natsuki. Shizuru’s burning lesbian spirit would undoubtedly keep her close behind.

Rakuen: What if Krauser fell in the water too? (connected to the previous question)

Baka-Raptor: Krauser is the demon king. He can always go to hell and come back.

Rakuen: Yay! RETARDED Questions!

Baka-Raptor: <hard facepalm>

Rakuen: Cake or pie?

Baka-Raptor: Pie. Specifically, pizza pie from the Squirrel Hill branch of Italian Village Pizza.

Rakuen: Meat or mangoes?

Baka-Raptor: Meat.

Rakuen: Loli or Shouta?

Baka-Raptor: Suicide.

Rakuen: Futanari or Tentacles?

Baka-Raptor: Both.

Rakuen: You can only choose one.

Rakuen: Krauser or Golgo 13?

Baka-Raptor: Krauser 13: The Professional Demon King.

Rakuen: The light-music club or Sawa-sensei?

Baka-Raptor: Obviously Sawa-sensei. I’d also take Kuroi-sensei, Yoshinoya-sensei, or Yuri-sensei over any of their students.

Rakuen: If you are to die tomorrow, why not today?

Baka-Raptor: I’m ready to go any time. In fact, I’ve already chosen my dying words:

I’m not dying-I’m just resting my eyes…

Rakuen: Please tell Nagato-sama to comeback, in two words.

Baka-Raptor: Want porn?

Rakuen: Any last words before I close the show?

Baka-Raptor: Yeah, this was a long ass interview. You owe me another piece of fanart.

Rakuen: Yay! We’ve ran out of questions. Sabishi ne…

Baka-Raptor: Yay! <does raptor dance>

Rakuen: Finally were done fooling around! Shin, go for the credits!

Shin: NEXT EPISODE has been brought to you by the following sponsors:

Raptor Energy Drink, party like a raptor!

Rakuen’s fanart, they kick ass!

Shin’s Meido Outfits, sure to give you the scar of your life.

Nagato’s glasses, showing them who’s BOSS.

Shin: Oh, hey, before I forget, I brought pizza from the Squirrel Hill branch of Italian Village Pizza. Want some?– Oh shi– We forgot to restrain Baka-Raptor!

Rakuen: He’s going berserk! Get the lightning team here!

<Baka-Raptor goes berserk, wreaking havoc on the studio. The lightning team was too busy eating pizza to care about it.>

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Nagato: See you next time.

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P.S. This could be my longest post at the moment. Whew…